Originally Posted by nycindie
When a relationship is in trouble (cheating and lying being an obvious symptom of that), the answer is not to "add people." Pursuing polyamory won't fix the hurt and disillusionment caused by betrayal and dishonesty. You two probably need to work on your marriage, get into therapy, and maybe even consider not being together, before you try to wave the flag of being polyamorous as a reason for having multiple lovers. Sohuman, yes, look at building your self-esteem, not using low self-esteem as an excuse for reckless behavior, while you also take responsibility for what you did.
BTW, polyamory isn't really a lifestyle. All sorts of people in all sorts of lifestyles can be polyamorous.
Yep - but we are having some really productive conversations on our own now; if we reach a point where we aren't communicating as well we will find a poly-friendly professional.
We are both really good for each other and are not going to consider not being together, it would disrupt our progress and our toddler's living situation unnecessarily. We help alleviate each other's stress by cooperating on taking care of things, and by always taking care of each other and our child when any of us gets sick - which is all the time because her daycare is a germ incubation center. Also I want our child to see us expressing our regard for each other through affection, laughter, and calm respectful communication about issues that we are actively working through together, important ones, not just who left the seat up. We save the conversations that are likely to be less calm for after her bedtime so as not to scare her. I have already taught her to say what she is feeling when she is feeling it, and told her that she is capable, to a point, of choosing how she reacts to her emotions - especially anger and frustration. She has a book called "When I Feel Angry" that teaches about the dangers of hurting others in reaction to your anger and that you have a choice. Lastly, there is a surprising amount of boundary negotiation experience to be gained with a toddler, and maybe in helping each other with that we will get skills to do it with each other.
Point taken on the low self-esteem. Also I don't mean to try to speak for all poly people when I talk about my own beliefs about it.
You don't think he should pursue anything now, even if I'm ok with it? Will his resentment and anger toward me lead him to treat me or others badly? Cause I could see that, actually...