Guys: I am so sorry. He was not being serious and redpepper you are absolutely right that his sarcasm had nothing to do with you and I didn't think your reply was condescending. He will probably be amazed that you didn't see it was completely sarcastic - but so many cues are absent to know that. Both he and I have had horrible experiences on unmoderated internet forums before - no joke, his consists of arguing about religion with other youtube users, and having people give him death threats. Mine consists of even more outrageous insanity (yes, more than death threats, I shit you not), but I can't even go into it. Suffice it to say that moderation makes a HUGE difference. This space is like no other. I am in awe of the care that the moderators put into making the forum a good space.
I started out the same way he did, by not opening up about myself and starting a debate about something I hadn't read about (converting non-polys to get dates) - but by reading and reading, and seeing how active the mods are, I realized this is a totally different group of people and space. I decided to do something I never thought or intended I would do, which was open up. At most I'd thought I'd lurk and learn.
It seemed like a good idea to have my husband make an identity here but the timing was off and he had not yet read anything on here. I told him not to be inflammatory, I told him to read the introduction instructions (which I hadn't before making my first post)... but he's really angry and hurt right now and that shows - we both use humor as a defense mechanism. He does have a negative perception of poly because of having such a hurtful introduction to it. I so wish I could go back in time and have known this about myself and been able to verbalize it years ago - or read book 1 about it. He may move the discussion elsewhere, because the ideas are quite new to him as he is processing them in the context of me being an unethical slut.
In this case I think it has derailed me getting some feedback/thoughts I might have gotten beyond Catfish's post. Anything people have to share or advise after reading our story laid out in sincerity (from only my perspective, of course) will be like gold to me. You can even criticize me, I am ready to hear it and process it.
I had a great advisor who said "you can always make a bad situation worse" - we seem to have a talent for that, but trying to change.
Thank you guys for being so accepting and THANK YOU moderators for what you are doing here. You are human, of course, but you are heroically taking on the complex task of helping others through your decision making and good judgment, and that care and effort is really valuable for the people here. Before finding this forum I was a "poor unfortunate soul".
I told him that when he is ready to open up, you guys are top drawer and will treat him with respect and kindness. He will see that the more he reads and probably open up eventually, if not today.
Last edited by sohuman; 02-23-2011 at 01:17 AM.