In my opinion you should not do anything for him. You owe him nothing. Its time to stand on your own two feet I think. He helped you through a hard time and that was a great gift, you can appreciate that, but now its time to change it up it seems. You are your own person, so what's next for you?
You don't have to accept non-monogamy. You are fully entitled to be monogamous. You are best as yourself. He is pushing that. That's fine, but its time to figure out where you are at with him, with yourself and your future.
So he has asked for a relationship with this woman and to have it be between the three of you. You say you aren't interested. Okay, so that's out, tell him that first I think. Secondly he wants to have this woman be his girlfriend, okay, where are you at with that? Could you accept that with certain time constraints in place? A balance that is more suitable than you have now? What are your requests with that?
If you find all this unacceptable, that is fine, but sit on it a bit, do some searches here, educate yourself and ask him to slow down so that you might catch up. Consider all your options for YOU and then start laying all your thoughts out for him. He gets to do that too and so negotiation begins. Later she gets her say and you can cross that bridge when you get to it. He might have an idea already. This is what has worked for me in the past anyway... and others.
He might of said he is mono all the way, but things change. Everything is fluid and time moves on. Should he of been so certain? Probably not, but he likely was at the time, now he's not. I suggest cutting him some slack and moving forward rather than dwelling on what once was.
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Last edited by redpepper; 02-22-2011 at 07:44 PM.