Thread: New & confused.
View Single Post
Old 02-22-2011, 04:18 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by abhainn View Post
Again, I don't know yet how well he is aware of the journey I've made, he knows the bones of my experience but I haven't been using him as my psychoanalyst. If that journey is something he is mindful of, then he might think that what he would like sexually might be tremendously triggering for me. But then again, it might have nothing to do with this. The only way to find out is to talk.

Yes, it is complicated. Nothing wrong with complicated, I just hope to be able to work things out, for both of us.
Hi Abhain,

Yes - you are wise to point to more good communication. Sexuality can be complex and it's so good to hear you've made some leaps from bad prior experience. That's not something I've ever experienced so I can only guess how difficult it is for some people. But you're moving forward - that's the main thing.
I've known people who manage an almost complete reversal once they discovered that the 'bad' experience was an exception rather than the rule. Seems they put that behind them and want to make up for all the lost time of fear and pain.

As I see RP has pointed out in a later post, it may well be a good thing he has some outlet with someone more comfortable with his style - for now. And it certainly is an act of empathy that he may not want to push you into areas that may open up old wounds.
YOU are the one who has to take charge of this situation. Only you understands your comfort level with certain things so only you can guide/coax him into exploring these areas with you. So yes, you have to TALK !
He'll likely be a little timid even at first out of concern for you but it can also be extremely exciting to be a part of a flower opening to it's potential ! VERY exciting It's (potentially) a very bonding experience.

It's also great that you didn't trap him in the role of analyst. That doesn't work in a relationship. But he can gain a basic understanding of the journey you are on without having all the details - or background.

Be adventurous. Take the lead. Tell him you REALLY want to explore this or that And initiate it sometimes ! The more positive experiences you have the more you'll wipe out and disassociate the negative past. Brains are very plastic. You can be (sexually) who you want to be once you truly believe this

Good luck !

Reply With Quote