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Old 02-22-2011, 01:20 AM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 373
Default Trying to minimize hurt feels

I've been getting pretty frustrated about this.

You know your partner. You know when they're in a good mood and jazzed about someone new.
Yeah, I'm feeling a bit prickly getting use to it sometimes because hey hey, we're still in the first year and I'm still getting use to things being different. Lots of new and different situations and people; I'm going to have all kinds of feelings both good and bad.

But when he is trying to soften and downplay his good feelings to minimize whatever I'm feeling about it, it prevents me from getting use to it at the rate its happening. It comes off false. It makes me feel like he isn't giving the real story and trust begins to sag.

On top, my husband has also taken to paying guilt affection as part of his trying to minimize what he perceives as hurt feelings. And this makes hugs, kisses, and compliments feel like "I'm sorry" flowers. I hate I'm sorry flowers!

I tell him I would rather feel what I'd feel about what is fact and deal with that, than have him paint it differently and try to keep me from feeling anything at all in the way of bad feelings. I especially don't want to be loved up with any guilt he feels about being happy. Are we not suppose to enjoy this? Yes, I'm not use to seeing him happy in this way when I'm not the source of it, but we didn't take this step for him to pretend its "meh, alright I s'pose" with anyone he gets involved with. I am really putting in effort to be as optimistic and receptive as I can be at this stage. Quit lowering the bar for me to easier get over! Its having the opposite result.

I'm going to have to deal with these emotions eventually anyway.
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