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Old 02-21-2011, 04:19 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Sort of.

Below my shopping list for successful couple hunting. It might still all go to hell but hey, no pain no gain.

1) Stay away from married couples with children, mortgages, in transition. They have already made a primary commitment to each other that is the one society recognizes. Should push come to shove, married couple always comes first. So you love their kid and they say you can never see them again? Tough luck, shoulda seen that one coming.

See - here is EXACTLY what I'm talking about regarding stereotypes being projected forward.

"Stay away" ! Period. Point blank.

Why ? because you're afraid ? Lazy ? (not speaking to the poster here but the mindset in general)
Why not UNDERSTAND the complexities of multi-partner relationships, families, finances, living arrangements etc. And understand the benefits. At least CONSIDER the trade-offs ! Nothing worth having comes free they say. And that's obviously true when it comes to love & relationships. Acknowledge that what you have in the end is what YOU BUILD !
Ahhhh, but you really want a 'free ride' - right (again not speaking to the poster but the concept) . You want to bait the hook, lay the line and then sit back and reap whatever reward your agenda pushed forward with certain built in securities preventing any easy exit if it turns out less that what everyone needs for happiness. Too damn bad. You got yours- right ?

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Also very young couples (lived together for less than 2 years), couples in a major crisis, be it rebounding after infidelity, moving in together, buying a house, getting married, getting pregnant, contemplating ending the relationship, are a risk. Proceed with caution or not at all.
Ok - some good caution signs up here. Same ones that would be caution signs in ANY potential relationship - right ? People with complications in their lives - proceed slowly. But you may STILL proceed as the complications may pass or you may help resolve them. Nothing automatic here. Every case deserves it's own fair analysis.

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
3) Be very cautious about offers to move in with them.
Hell yeah ! Living together (anyone) is no piece of cake and requires it's own skill set. Better work on that one anyway.

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
4) Invest in cultivating a relationship with both members of the couple separately. Go out on dates, take a room in a hotel, travel separately. Not everybody needs to be included in all conversations/activities/sex that takes place.
Absolutely agree. Independence is an important part of healthy relationships.

Ok - enough............

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