Well it seems that neither of them are very in tune with themselves or have high self esteem. I think some of this is on their shoulders to deal with. You don't get a free ride as its you that needs to show them you love and care for them and get your act together about making sure you don't cross boundaries like not hanging the phone up. That is just sloppy. Sloppy leads to crap. As you have noticed.
It's not okay to put stuff on other people. You may need to take a long hard look at building your communication skills... do a search for NVC on line and read about compassionate communications or non-violent communication. All of you would benefit from this it sounds like. Maybe find a course in your area or do some technique building with your loves.
It sounds like you have some hard work ahead and perhaps looking after yourself a bit more would help. You sounds as if you are being manipulated to all hell from one person and then the other. Their job is to work on their shit, not yours. Being present when you are their is your job and them being able to take care of their own lives is theirs. At least that is what I think anyway... frankly I would dump them both and work on myself at this point. It sounds like you have some self stuff to sort out that you just don't have time for. I mean REALLY work on it though, not just move on. Otherwise you next relationships will be just the same.