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Old 02-21-2011, 04:45 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cdchristan View Post
. . . should I be worried about any new future possible relationships that she may develope???
Might be helpful if you got real specific about what worries you. Why not get on paper all the possible things that could happen that scare or concern you, and talk to her about it. It's the unknown and undefined that incites terror and confusion. Once you name something and look at it, it loses its power over you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cdchristan View Post
I honestly don't think she could devote her time and emotions with another man in the relationship.
This may be difficult to hear, but she's probably the one who is the better judge of what amount of involvement or how many relationships she can handle. Trust in her ability to know what she needs, but if she does take another lover, you have every right to speak up if you're feeling ignored or disrespected. Besides, a third guy is highly unlikely to be given the same amount of time and energy as you and her husband. It could just be a once a month or every other month thing. Could you handle that? Again, knowing specifics and not making assumptions will bring clarity, and possibly diffuse any upset.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cdchristan View Post
Honestly I don't know if I could accept that, silly as it sounds, it would be hard on me. We have talked about it but she still insists that she cant guarantee the exclusion of this possibility. We all get along so good and all of the responsibilities of the daily life is all equally shared.

Am I stressing over nothing?? We all have been together now for a year and I am struggling with this idea that keeps on being planted into my head.
Well, it's not nothing -- don't belittle your feelings. However, doesn't being together a year mean that you have a solid foundation upon which you can count? Have you thought about the possibility that your place in her life will not be diminished by the inclusion of another lover? I am curious why you feel okay with her having a husband but not an additional person? Is it just that it's so comfortable that you don't want it to change? Or are there other issues you're grappling with? I ask not in judgment, but to give you some things to ponder. More heartfelt communication among all three of you is likely something that would help you in figuring out whether or not you could handle it, or what you need to make a decision.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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