It seems the problems you guys were having had a lot to do with your GF's other guy being anti-poly, and your insecurities which come from having an attachment to things needing to go a certain way. Now you know what to be on the alert for if you want to pursue poly again.
I wonder a lot about what I could have done differently. In my mind, I felt like the only way things could work is if there was open communication between us all.
Most of the people I talk to about this immediately respond with "Oh you deserve better...a girl that will focus on only you".
I mean, I sort of felt like I was not really taken seriously towards the end. She wouldn't bring stuff up with the other guy because he would close up and not want to talk about stuff. She was just waiting for things to be perfect before she really attacked what was causing me so much discomfort.
But then again, she was always there for me to talk. Before work, during classes, whenever I brought up my discomfort she would be willing to talk, even if it brought her to tears.
I guess things just weren't meant to be.
But how could things have worked? I could waste a lot of time thinking about that, but I want to have a more open mind of how things can actually work. Why did I get so tightly wound around the one idea? Why couldn't I see things working out any other way?