Poly isn't really "designed" to be any particular way.
I disagree with the notion that it's a bad idea to start two relationships at once, or very close to each new beginning. I must disagree because that's where I find myself now. After being separated from my husband, I started dating while the divorce is being finalized. I have no interest in finding "The One" and embraced polyamory. I can't say I'm really living a poly lifestyle yet, but it's what I aspire to, and I'm hoping that multiple loving relationships will come out of my dating life. I have been told that I am actually rather lucky to be at this point because it can be much more difficult to introduce a new love to an established relationship. If multiple relationships all start pretty much around the same time, it's easier to establish ground rules (so to speak), to make sure it's a level playing field, and everyone knows going in what to expect. That's how I see it anyway.
It seems the problems you guys were having had a lot to do with your GF's other guy being anti-poly, and your insecurities which come from having an attachment to things needing to go a certain way. Now you know what to be on the alert for if you want to pursue poly again.
Last edited by nycindie; 02-21-2011 at 02:02 AM.