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Old 02-20-2011, 11:35 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Just because a person hasn't had sex in a while doesn't make them celibate. To be celibate is a choice one makes.

Celibacy is defined in the dictionary as the "abstention of sexual relations," and to abstain means "to hold oneself back voluntarily". You're not really celibate -- you're solo, available (correct?), and just haven't gotten any in a long time. I always think changing one's perspective helps.

I think, of course, it's good to have the "poly talk" soon after you meet someone, but not always before the first date. At least for me, I prefer to enjoy someone's company, see how I feel about them before talking about the parameters of what kind of relationship they should expect. That seems a little presumptuous to me. Because I know I can enjoy dating without expectation, and one never knows where that may lead. The surprising thing is that sometimes the guys I date mention non-monogamy before I do, and they are not part of the poly community. I think it's "in the air" and the wave of the future, so to speak. Additionally, when I do bring it up, I don't always see the need to use the word "polyamory." I talk in terms of exclusivity, and that I'm not looking for that. For some reason, that word is less threatening and makes the most sense to people just dating.

The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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