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Old 02-20-2011, 06:00 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Why would anyone want to be one? What are the positives (and what are the negatives for that matter) to being in a position where you are a bi woman with a couple that consider themselves primary to start off with, with the hopes of "bringing you into their relationship?"
Hey RP,

Wow - interesting that this topic may not have come up before - or maybe only as a secondary part of a discussion.
And it's a VERY valid and important question.

I'll try to offer some of the positives. The negatives seem to be all over the place anyway so no sense in rehashing them.

And for discussion purposes, I'm defining a 'unicorn' as any bi/pan sexual girl willing to share in the lives of a couple to whatever degree suits everyone. I'm NOT limiting this to a poly-fi arrangement. I can see where a unicorn might easily be involved with, for example, more than one couple because of interests that were different.

But if I'm guessing right, your question really is trying to speak to the "what's in it for a third where there's no legal commitment and sometimes even a tenuous emotional one".

I've seen a number of things that I would find extremely attractive but admit bias because I'm one who admires strength, independence and self confidence in a woman. And these things it seems are at the root of accepting the role of third (or whatever) and being happy in it.

1> The lack of commitment. It allows flexibility in how you can live your life. In other words, it CAN minimize the codependant parts that often drift into paired relationships.

2> Receiving double the love (and often attention). Or more. This seems an obvious one to me and I've always been unclear why this isn't given it's proper due by most. Maybe that's because some can't be content sitting in the 'recipients' chair without dealing with a guilt issue about how to give back as much as you receive. But it's not that way and not expected ! The giving is what it's all about.

3> Support network. Obviously the more people that care deeply for you, the more people you have around you to depend on in times of crisis. And it happens to everyone. Whether it's health, finances, emotional, whatever. The more 'community' we have around us to step up, the easier it is on everyone.

4> Last but often not least. The sex. If you're bi/pan sexual having the extra partners in the mix just brings certain possibilities that are simply impossible with only 2. So it can be an all at once thing when that mood sets in or each individual when other certain moods seem to fit best. To me, this was always so obvious but seems to lack importance for the majority of women. The focus seems to be 90% on the emotional aspects and 10% on various physical possibilities. It is what it is, but that lack of balance never passed the logic test with me. I accept it, like I accept power mongers developing enough nuclear weapons to destroy the world 7 times over. But that doesn't mean it makes sense

So what's left on the 'negative' side ?

It seems that it's 'mostly' (not necessarily all) about power and control. If you're an strong, independent person, living your life on your own terms, the flexibility offered would seem to fit well. If you're not, and have no real desire or attraction to that, then it would be at odds with your needs I guess. There's no "guarantees" about what tomorrow might hold.

But in reality - there isn't anyway. We just can't admit that

Now, if I don't catch a rash of Shit over this, I'm going to be hurt ~!

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