View Single Post
Old 02-20-2011, 03:51 PM
Raven Raven is offline
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 42

It might be worth looking at the idea that you *did* fulfill all of her needs for those six years. If there's a need she has that she knows you can't meet, she may have just been working to deal without it, especially in a marriage where the assumption is monogamy. There may have even been needs where she couldn't have put a name to it until it was being met.

I know in my situation, the above is true. I've always known there where things that Mal can't do for me, desires I have for a partner (mental, emotional, and sexual) that he's just not going to be able to fulfill. But I love him, deeply and passionately, he does meet quite a lot of needs for me, and I never, ever want to leave him. When we were first married, I was willing to do without everything he couldn't give me; it wasn't something I was happy about, but from the mindset of monogamy it was that or leave him, and there was no way in hell that I would leave him. I haven't had another partner yet, but simply the philosophical shift to polyamory that I *could* have those needs met means a lot to me, because it tells me that I don't have to deny those needs in order to stay with Mal.

This may not be the case in your situation, but it may be worth thinking about / talking to Jen about.
Keira Raven, married to husband Mal, interested in a woman for a triad or vee

(Previously known as Dakota Raven, husband previously known as Adam)
Reply With Quote