Thanks for a fantastic reply redpepper. It made me think, and went off to investigate the other areas of our relationship, why are we together, how emotionally involved are we etc. We also had a weekend together so much more time to let questions float around.
Our relationship has been really rocky from the very beginning, and we've unintentionally hurt each other and both pulled back and taken cover, but not often properly talked about what went wrong.
Well, now we did.
As for the relationship, he loves me. I love him. We have more time available for us if we want. He's told me something about the things he needs/gets from me, as have I, and that was meaningful and important.
Then, having established that there really is a relationship, that we do want to keep it, I brought up the sex thing, without any reference to any partners though. Two nights of upsetting discussion and he admitted that sex wasn't interesting with me.
We didn't have time for much more than for me to ask why he didn't want to have interesting sex with me (not 100%sure what this means for him, but have a good idea). --- Edit: on second reading this seems like an odd question to ask, but there is a reason for it, I just don't want to go into any detail before we've actually had this discussion. ---
So, it appears we know the problem. Now we need to find out if we want to fix it, and judging by the communication after, we do. Next question then is, what to do...
The understanding I have of the problem is very different than two weeks ago. As a consequence, my envy is gone about his other lover. Clearly, it has got nothing to do with her. Secondly, I understand why I've been so distraught by his lack of interest in me: I've felt continuously and deeply rejected because he hasn't wanted to share his style of sex with me.
So, for now, thank you for the really helpful replies and support as well. I'll report back after the next move and again, any advice and pointers would be great.
Last edited by abhainn; 02-20-2011 at 11:40 AM.