Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn
So - no expectations or as few as you can live with?
It varies from person to person
Seriously it depends on your want. Some people really are stuck in a relationship model setup. They want the triad with the labels and all the fixings. Maybe this is a hold over from monogamy, who knows.
Sometimes its the people that are more important. The design is secondary. I know I am at this stage. I was really hung up on the look/feel/and design of the relationship... I wanted labels. I am finding the people more important now.
Beyond that... having expectations can be an effort in futility, but its hard to build dreams/hopes without them. So I think it is finding a balance between the two. And hopefully being able to adjust. There is always a breaking point, so hopefully with proper communication and effort, people can figure it out
So how to strike a balance between what to me seem at first potentially incompatible goals?
Well maybe you need to figure out where the priorities sit. Whats REALLY important to both of you and then work backwards. You could find structure is important to one person and not the other...
You could also find that the differences are going to be too vast. Not to many options then unless you can compromise. Something like a tertiary setup where you can still love each other but the structure is loser?...