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Old 02-19-2011, 07:37 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

Well, you are not alone here... its a good idea to do some reading. It seems you haven't yet on here... keeping to the "new to poly" forum will indicate in a short time that there are many that have gone before you. The suggestion of doing a tag search is a good one... "mono poly" "monopoly" "mono/poly" "polymono" all good tags to look at... if you go to the tool bar and press search you will find the tag search option... a cloud of tags will come up. You can pick from that, or think of your own tag ideas... if you read a tagged thread you will see the other tags at the bottom of the thread. You might get some ideas from those on what would be useful to you.

As to the bond that you have with this woman. That is a lovely thing and to be cherished. She might feel bonded in the same way to you, or she might just enjoy it in the moments she has with you as attention she gets.. I don't know. It could go either way. I have a non-sexual boyfriend that gives me a lot of attention and I enjoy it. I love him for it even. The bond I have with him is not as strong as the one I have with my other men though. The bond I have with them is huge. It has been important to me to see the difference and acknowledge that, accept it. My bond with Derby is different again yet similar. Different people, different bonds and levels of connection and commitment into the future..

I think your best bet is to be open to her love, yet wary. It has not been a long time and you likely are still riding on your NRE for her. Enjoy that while it lasts, but put the future into perspective. Do you want a girlfriend that has other lovers really? Or do you want someone that is going to commit to building a life of love and family with just you? Is she able and willing to do this with you... would she require doing this with others too? Or is she content to be on her own and have lots of lovers. There are huge differences in how people do their poly... It sounds like all of that is to be discovered and discussed at some point.

Right now though, I think I would just enjoy her. Later, when things have settled into a dull routine of work, dates, housework, holiday obligations blah blah blah... you will see what the path to the future is. It's when the mundane aspects of life become evident more than the relationship that real growth to the future happens in my experience.
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