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Old 02-19-2011, 06:42 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,702

Agreeing with the idea that he might have to look inward to his feelings of self worth and esteem... some more thoughts.

People have sex differently when it comes down to it. They smell different, sound different, have different talents and desires. Your man will not be the same as this other man. He has his own unique way that you love about him... if you have got to the point where you would like to experience what this man is like sexually then that has nothing to do with your love and desire for your boyfriend. It comes from a different place.

I have a live in boyfriend and a husband. Two men that are very different. I had sex with both this week several times and the two put me in a different head space within the space of the half hour (at one point) that I had between them. My body feels the same and reacts the same way as I understand it, but theirs do not; because they are different. I get turned on in different ways with each of them...and experience the situation differently. I love that!

I can understand why your boyfriend would feel this way however. I think that sometimes our culture of sex does not embrace closeness and connection in sex and sees it as a cock and a pussy doin' it. We see that in porn for instance. Shaved pussies modified and trimmed to look a certain way that is meant to be desirable, thin women that yell out the same thing every time... men who put them in positions that are for them, not for her... these images are not real. The sex is not real. Having pretended, in fun, to be in a mainstream porn video, the sex is contrived and hollow; showy. Isn't meant to get anyone off. I find amateur porn to be much more satisfying as a result.

If we have been taught what sex is by popular culture as two bodies banging up against each other, then I can see how he would think that you might get the same thing and better. He might think that you don't need anything else, because you have that.

I'm not saying that the sex you have is hollow or anything like that, I am only suggesting that the culture you are brought up in has curved your views of sex when really in your intimate moments its different than that.

That being said, there is the possibility that he is not concerned about the act so much as the closeness that likely will follow... the bond that will be created. For many people there is no coming back from that, the bond will be set. I wonder if you dug a bit deeper if this is what you will find he is concerned about.
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