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Old 02-19-2011, 03:15 AM
polymono polymono is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
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Question In a relationship with a poly-amorous girl. Need some input.

Hi All,

I'm in my early thirties. I'm dating a girl, she's 29, who is poly-amorous. We've been together for a bit longer than 6 months. Early in the relationship, during our 3rd date, she told me she was inclined to poly-amory. At that time she was seeing another guy since some time already. As our relationship evolved, we got closer together and we are in love now. We've been together on a long holiday, that's the time when we really grew closer to each other, and we had amazing times.

Myself, right now, I don't think I'm a poly-amorous person. I didn't really knew what it involved when we started dating each other, I somehow had an idea, but didn't really think of the emotional consequences, as I was just happy to getting to know here and to be with here. Tho, I got somehow interested in the subject, and started reading the famous book, The Ethical Slut.

She knows my difficulties with the poly-amorous thing, tho, I want to make an effort towards it. After we came back from our holiday, we got separated for some weeks as she had some work obligations in another city. Before leaving each other we made an agreement, we wouldn't do anything that could possibly hurt each other. If anything would come up regarding poly-amorous relationships on both sides we would talk to each other first.

Lately, while she was in that other city, she told me she got close to another guy and they kissed. After what she called me to tell me about it. Somewhere I hoped the poly-amorous thing was somehow behind her, as we were really close and we have some plans to move in together after she would be back. So when she told me that she kissed, I felt somehow betrayed because of our agreement. Her reason of telling me, is because of our agreement. She wanted to let me know that something more might eventually happen with that guy. Picturing her getting close to him, saying things to him she told me too, being very intimate to him is very painful right now.

Today, I wonder if I should go on with our relationship. It hurts when I think of breaking up with her, but my fear is that I might get hurt more if I go on in that relationship. As I said, I want to make an effort towards poly-amory, but I feel I need to do it carefully, take my time, and get support from her.

As you might expect, I have a lot of questions regarding poly-amory nowadays. When I think about the idea, it really makes sense to me. I believe it is possible to be in love with different persons. I myself, have attractions for other girls when I am in relationships with girls, I think it's something natural. Those attraction being emotional and sexual. Tho, when I'm in a deep relationship with someone, I don't need to give those attractions a follow-up, as I find it strengthens that special bound I have with that one particular person. Also, I don't have that feeling that something is missing in my life or the relationship.

By posting on this forum, I hope I might get some different inputs, ideas. How do other poly-amorous and non poly-amorous persons handle this ? What are their experiences on the subject ? Am I definitely non poly-amorous or is it possible to evolve towards it ?

Thanks for taking your time to read this, I tried to be as clear as possible about how I feel, and what I think. If some parts do need some more clarification to you, please do ask.

Cheers!
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