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Old 02-18-2011, 06:59 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,703

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
when I suggested she might want to go back if she needed to talk to someone outside the mess she implied she couldn't go back to her.
Wouldn't hurt to look for someone that connects with her better.

SCeacail....what is the story behind your username?? I never remember it correctly, and always have to go back and check....I need something to get it to stick..
He He, I'll admit, probably not the best username. S is my first initial and Neacail is the Galic spelling of my maiden name. Truth is I have to type it to remember how to spell it sometimes, sorry. SN works for me.

You mentioned that you also have felt that spending time or dates with husband was out of obligation and not true desire. Foreign concept to me. Did your husband pick up on that??? Do you feel your husband does that to you? If so are you ok with that?
I'm sure he did pick up on some of it and truth was, there wasn't alot of dates between us, which was part of the problem. I'm a "acts of service" and "quality time" person and he was never home, so there was a big disconnect there. Sometimes what started out as an obligation was very enjoyable and didn't end as an obligation, but it was something that I had to talk myself into in the first place.

I do think he has done the same, but I viewed it as him recognizing that something was out of place and he was trying to find a way to rectify it. He didn't always get it right and everything just seemed forced, but I couldn't hold it completely against him. Sometimes it takes effort to break old habits, once the habit of indiference and complacency is broken, the true desire will follow.

After my run in with gravity and packed snow she seems much more affectionate. More hugs and kisses on the cheek, and the like. I get the intention but this is could be a mixed message for a guy with broken ribs.
It could be that she realized she could have lost something she really does value. Ask her? I guess I would also tell her how it makes you feel when she abandons you and the family at the last minute, to go play elsewhere.

Although my changing some estate planning which is mostly symbolic and would have no effect on day to day life even if I were to die. I still have not told her of these changes. I not sure what will be the reaction... How would some of you people react if confronted with this type of news???
Oh, it won't be pretty and she will probably be deeply hurt. Based on some of your other statements of her past history, I would guess that, it's more about how she treats and acts toward you and the family than it is about her having a bf. Would you feel differently, if she treated you better consistently? Be clear about where you think the problem lies and what she can do to fix it.
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