river... Nre ...no one's fault... I think I have to disagree. We all make choices and I never get a pass on bad or thoughtless decisions no matter what.
As for the therapy suggestion. A few years ago we went as a couple and also as individually. One week as couple the next we would go separate then as couple the following week. We did this for about 5 months at which time it was concluded that the problem was in my wife's court. The therapist told me that she was happy to see me and if I needed to come as a way to process and or vent we could continue, but the work on I'm end was completed. And I have to say I learn a lot by the entire process, and it was not something I was excited to do. My wife continued for another few months maybe longer. It went from once a week to once every two weeks to something less... I think the therapist drop her because last minute cancellations and things of that nature. That's speculation on my part but when I suggested she might want to go back if she needed to talk to someone outside the mess she implied she couldn't go back to her.
SCeacail....what is the story behind your username?? I never remember it correctly, and always have to go back and check....I need something to get it to stick.. You mentioned that you also have felt that spending time or dates with husband was out of obligation and not true desire. Foreign concept to me. Did your husband pick up on that??? Do you feel your husband does that to you? If so are you ok with that? Just after the primary status discussion she was trying to initiate a sexual encounter to which I responded... "not really in the mood but if you need some type of release I'm more than happy to help with that". Guess what happened??? Not that interested after that. Seemed a little insulted... I could be wrong though.... so hard to tell these days.
After my run in with gravity and packed snow she seems much more affectionate. More hugs and kisses on the cheek, and the like. I get the intention but this is could be a mixed message for a guy with broken ribs.
I've told her that I don't need this new display to which she said "I'm not doing this for you I'm doing it for me. I feel safe... I feel safe in your arms" I didn't really know what to say in that moment..... long pause.. " that good I'm glad you feel safe" There was at least 4 other things rattling around in there that could have come out but I was just to beat up to start some emotionally draining session.
Although my changing some estate planning which is mostly symbolic and would have no effect on day to day life even if I were to die. I still have not told her of these changes. I not sure what will be the reaction... How would some of you people react if confronted with this type of news???
Hey... River.... maybe here's where NRE could actually work for me.... she may not give a shit at all.