Balance btw Knowing Your Needs and Letting Things Evolve Naturally
I realize this just might be one of those questions where the answer will always be 'it varies from one person to the next', but I'll ask anyway;
I've been reading a lot of how important it is to not get obsessed over a particular relationship form you want to have, such as 'It must be a triad or a vee, otherwise I'm not interested'. I accept this as a totally valid point. However, there seems also to be a lot of emphasis on figuring what your needs in a relationship, ANY relationship, are.
So how to strike a balance between what to me seem at first potentially incompatible goals? If obsessing over a particular relationship formation you think you need is setting yourself up for frustration, can you have expectations about the type of people you're seeking to bond with?
1) Is deciding, for example, that you want your ideal relationship to include at least one woman, too restrictive?
2) How about being relatively certain that a particular relating style, such as BDSM, holds no appeal to you?
I'm assuming for this example that the person figuring this out has some experience with both male-partners-only and BDSM to base that decision on.
So - no expectations or as few as you can live with?