Still here.. still hanging on! Another week of ups and downs with J.
I've been trying really hard not to have expectations, and it worked well for a few days. My roller derby team had a karaoke fundraiser Saturday night, he surprised me by showing up and stayed the whole time, even sang a song with me and one of our other guy friends.
Hubby isn't one for bars, and he was acting a little cranky (which I found out why later) so when J asked us if we wanted to go out to another place after and he said no, but told me I could go if I wanted. I decided to stay and keep singing/dancing until J and our other friend were ready to go. We went to a pool hall where I met a bunch of people that Hubby works with, which was a little awkward since he wasn't there, but neat that I could put some faces to names.
So, I made another mistake and invited J over after without asking hubby and he got a bit upset about it. When I got home I asked him if there was something wrong and he didn't tell me at first, then in the morning he came in and told me what was bothering him. I apologized and will make sure to clear it with him before I invite J over again.
I wasn't expecting to see J again until late next week, as he is going out of town for an event. So I was surprised Tuesday when he sent me a text to see what I was doing for dinner, and seemed happy and upbeat about it. I told him what I was making and what time to show. Then he never showed up.... what the heck? He is habitually late, so I texted him back teasing him about it, nothing... called him after an hour thinking maybe he fell asleep... nothing. Called again at the two hour mark.. nothing. I was getting really upset because I couldn't figure out what happened between 2pm and 6pm that he would make him do a complete 180.
I couldn't think of any other explanation except that he must have fallen asleep (he has a crazy sleep schedule due to working midshift and having day appointments, etc), so I texted his roommate who told me he was there and awake which made me really angry. There was no excuse for at least not calling or sending a message and saying he wasn't going to make it for whatever reason.
He was acting rather nonchalant about it and I was getting more and more angry thinking all of this wasn't a good idea. I asked him to call me and I told him how all of this made me feel, and not only was it upsetting me, but it was upsetting hubby that he was treating me like this. He apologized and insisted he didn't mean to. That I was right, he should have called when he woke up and said said what happened. He asked if he could come the following night (last night), and he promised he would show.
I was angry with myself for letting myself get upset. I've been trying not to have expectations but when it was his idea to come for dinner I thought he would at least show. I hate that feeling, I feel weak.
He did show up last night, with chocolate even. We had a nice dinner with the kids (hubby works swings so he wasn't there with us), and once I got them in bed we had good conversation and snuggles. We talked about the situation some. He said that sometimes it worries him, but he couldn't give an exact example. That's when he backs off. I told him to try and see how it looks from my side and he said he could understand that and apologized and never meant to hurt either one of us.
He didn't stay too long as he had a long drive to the airport to catch a flight, but I felt like it was a positive step in the right direction. I'm still going to try not to have expectations, and just play it by ear. I didn't know it was going to be this hard!