I have several hang ups with rebuilding trust.
1) I spent 10 years living in a marriage that was full of lies and cheating. That has now changed in the last 17 months. But the relationship that they built was built behind my back and as a lie. SO I have this deep rooted disdain for the " relationship" as a whole. I honestly believe that the trust would be easier to rebuild had things not happened like that. Hard to be a trusting team when it all began as a decption.
2) As LR stated, we all speak a different language. LR tends to use words in there literal meaning, GG ..well he is a poet. The words he says sound nice but they dont connect to a meaning and he gets lost in his own head. He ALWAYS means well but both LR and I usually get so frustrated, that we cant figure out where he is going with a thought, that we usually just take over the discussion or LR trys to interput for him. I tend to NOT speak ALL of the parts of a concept that Im trying to realy to somone. I tend to assume that certain " things" are just understood. That gets me in trouble , because no one person thinks exactly like another. I have tried to use LR's way of talking ( using the literal meaning) but that always seems to result in a fight. When I say to her " I did not say X, what I said was Y" I must have put a defensive tone in my words. Because it dosnt turn out well.
3) I have yet to own up to my serious and fucked up actions and behaviors.
To me #3 is the first thing that Im focusing on. I have done some horrific and evil things to the people that I care most about in my life. I have seriously contemplated "getting rid" of various people for good. I have seriously contemplated "getting rid" of myself for good.
I have made two appointments to see a therapist. ( Not because of the hurting myself or others) Im way over that part now. But Im wanting to work on focusing on finding and prioritizing the good in myself and the one I love.
Arm is hurting so Im donr typing for tonite. Goodnight all.
" NO WORDDIES BE HAPPY"- My 2 year old baby girl