Originally Posted by detritus
It seems to me that poly always requires a lot of planning and time management and that there isn't a lot of room for spontaneity. Would you agree?
I'm not RP-but if I may, I'll respond.
No, not always. But, yes, mostly.
There are times when spontaneity can be had, and that's awesome, but with every person you add to your life, that is reduced. This isn't just a "poly" thing. It's true of family life. I have 4 kids-with each additional kid, a bit less spontaneous time was available.
I have a husband and a boyfriend as well. There aren't a lot of times when spontaneity is possible, because I have responsibilities and commitments to each of those people.
HOWEVER-as I type this I am in Florida on a trip. That opportunity popped up spontaneously last week. A friend offered me a ticket and I accepted. If I wasn't polyamorous-it wouldn't have been possible because of my responsibility to my kids. But-because I am poly, I have extra people who can pick up the responsibility to my kids for 4 days.
In this case, polyamory was the reason I COULD be spontaneous.
Your REAL question (it seems to me) is-was it reasonable of him to assume that he could "spontaneously" make plans to go out-without making plans for going out. My answer to that would be, no. That isn't a poly issue. That's a respect issue.
It's disrespectful to not work with your loved ones to assure that your timing is appropriate not only for yourself but also for them as well. This is true of parent/child, friend/friend, husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, metamour/spouse and damn near every other meaningful relationship. Hell, it's even true of supervisor/employee and coworker/coworker relationships!