Redpepper, I was hoping you would respond. You bring up some interesting ideas. I think I find myself vacillating between wanting the easy, predictable comfort of monogamy and the unlimited adventure of poly. Right now comfort is really all I want, but I know I'm feeling pushed to my limits and not like my normal self.
The issue that triggered my question is that my husband told me a few days ago he'd be going out on a date with, let's call her A, on Saturday. I said ok, what time? For days he resisted telling me when he would be gone. Finally this morning he said the party he'd be going to at A's was from 2pm to 2am. "Wow, a 12 hour party, huh? All day alone?" Only after really pushing did I get him to say "of course" he was planning in coming home in the early evening. He was kind of offended that I couldn't just know that and be prepared to spend "a couple hours" on my own. He said he didn't want to plan his day because he wanted to be "spontaneous". Aside from feeling hurt because knowing generally how long we'd be out with others was one of our ground rules, I was thinking "well, poly just ain't gonna work for you then." It seems to me that poly always requires a lot of planning and time management and that there isn't a lot of room for spontaneity. Would you agree?