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Old 02-16-2011, 08:29 PM
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detritus detritus is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 34
Default Unbiased list of pros/cons for mono vs poly

Hi all. My husband and I are very new to poly. We've been married for almost a year and together for five, and have been discussing the possibility of polyamory for a couple years. Over the last couple months, he's dated two different women. The relationship with the first she ended after 3 weeks. The new girl he has been seeing for a couple weeks and I think they are on date #3. I'm definitely struggling with jealousy and (more so) fear and insecurity and he's definitely getting inpatient and frustrated with me and doesn't like feeling like his actions are causing me a lot of pain.

However, I still see the potential for poly to be good for us and I want to be sure we don't give up on it because of personal issues that should be dealt with no matter what relationship style we choose to persue. So...I've been looking high and low for an unbiased list of pros and cons for each kind of relationship. To no avail. I'm sick of religious moralists saying monogamy is the only ethical way, and sick of poly propoganda saying that poly somehow more evolved or higher-minded.

What are the real pros and cons, assuming your mental health and communication are good in either case? Stuff that doesn't go away once you work through painful issues. Thanks everyone.
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