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Old 02-16-2011, 08:23 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
We occasionally have communication break downs because we define words differently and our word usage isn't as effective in getting our thoughts across at times.
I see this as a very common hurdle in so many relationships, of both mine and my friends. Sometimes we need translators! This is what I realize happened with me and Shorty. He has called our relationship a friendship, but our concepts of friendship apparently are quite different. To me, he was a lover, but I accepted his terms of calling it a friendship, because I could see how important it was to him not to be considered my "boyfriend." Whatever. I didn't want to get hung up on words. However, though he's always been tender and caring, he has kept me as more of a satellite in his life, with some distance -- rather than someone within his close circle. That is quite different from what I think of as a friend.

It hasn't affected my trust in him, per se, but rather my trust in what we have together. I was always wondering if I was doing something wrong somehow. This is one of the factors in my telling him I need a break from our relationship. I need to give myself some space before getting involved with him again, and then only if we have some agreement on the meanings of the terms we are using to define what we have.
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An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/
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