Honesty and disclosure...
Something in redpepper's post jumped out at me and prompted me to chime in, because this is something I'm having issues with in my own relationships:
"Also how does one balance between "I don't want to hear about it" and the need to be honest? I am stumped on this... DADT on certain things and not others... does that really work? "
Though my wife finds it helpful to talk certain things over about her relationship with L, her boyfriend, she is often fairly reluctant to speak with me about my relationship with my girlfriend. Yet, at the same time, it upsets my wife to feel as though she isn't "in the loop" as to the development of my secondary relationship.
For example, the first time my girl and I had a make-out session, I told my wife about it the next evening...and she was upset that I hadn't mentioned it that morning. So, when I learned that there was a chance that my girl and I might be taking things to the next level, I told her well beforehand...and she was upset that I had told her about the possibility. My timing may not have been great, since my wife and I had just spent a lovely day together, but we had also spent a large amount of time discussing issues she was having with her boyfriend!
I have to admit, I feel sometimes like I can't win. I understand that she's the one who needs to work through her own jealousy issues, but it's difficult when I feel as though no matter what I'm doing, I'm either over-sharing or not keeping her in the loop. Any suggestions or advice would be welcome, though I'm certainly not trying to thread-jack...to me, at least, this does seem to be apropos of the theme of this discussion.