To be clear:
1) I have not expected them to have everything worked out and I knew that we would be facing some uncertain times when feelings started getting more serious.
2) I have been very clear about my feelings in this and am not holding anyone else responsible for them but me. I have never apologized for my feelings in this or with them and never feel that I should sit on them or hide them to protect anyone else.
3) I do not feel controlled by the situation. I see the limitations of my position as she deals with this and as I give her the space she needs to deal with this, but I do not feel controlled.
4) I posted this not because I feel lost or because I feel things are coming to an end, but because I feel that many couples that want to bring a third into their relationship don't understand the perspective of the third when issues arise. Sometimes small things can have a larger effect and reveal the vulnerableness of that position.