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Old 02-15-2011, 05:46 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
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Originally Posted by cdchristan View Post
Am I stressing over nothing?? We all have been together now for a year and I am struggling with this idea that keeps on being planted into my head.
Anyone with some helpful hints would be greatly appreciated.
Yours truly,
Sage nailed it....this is about not fully looking at boundaries before committing to the level you have. This seems to be a trend of guys moving in with their poly girlfriends and then dealing with the idea that there may be more men added to the equation. Are you stressing over nothing? Not really, not in my mind. We had very solid boundaries around no more men for me to commit to a certain level which influenced my decisions about things like co-habituating and recently those are being pushed. I have been in my relationship for over two years and I always have that thought in the back of my mind, A degree of instability and anxiety. I don't expect it to go away and it is not pleasant but we both are sacrificing in this relationship because so far it is worth it.

I would however try to live more in the moment...let things go and if they happen they happen. Enjoy your relationship. I am assuming she is not repeatedly bringing this up or asking you to look at this issue? If she is she should not expect you to have much hope in truly feeling at peace or to be able to live in the moment. Tell her to wait until something actually happens and then deal with it. My only other recommendation would be to make sure you are independent and are capable of moving out/being on your own if things do change to the point where you are no longer healthy or want to be with her.

You should definitely follow Redpepper's advice and look at the concept of scarcity. It doesn't apply to all people but does have some very valid concepts that may apply to you.

Take care and relax…wait for the future to come to you and stop trying to live in it. Be understanding to her perspective and maintain your independence.

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