Thanks for the encouragement! I really do believe that it will get better. I have come to the conclusion that for her, time is going to be the greatest moderator. We have stayed up late talking, then fighting, then talking again for the past several nights, and every time, once we get through the fighting bit, we manage to connect a little bit more. She actually cried for the first time while going through this last night, and it seems today that she released some of her anger.
She has also been much more liberal than I expected with letting me spend time with "J". We have actually spent the last two days together while my wife was at work, and it's been a lot of fun. We even took my son to lunch, and then to the park yesterday, all with my wifes blessing. (not to say that she didn't have some reservations...but she assured me that it was alright.)
Now...if I can just work through my own lack of patience, and my overwhelming desire for everything to be instantly peacefull and alright, then I think we can keep on a good path to happiness.
On a side note: I had never realized how difficult, and frightening, complete, and transperant honesty can be until now. I'll just "keep my chin up" as they say and hope that all of our hard work pays off as profoundly as I believe it will....