I wanted to reply to SNeacail from that other thread by Honestheart sooner, sorry lost in the shuffle.
Your question was is she doing things out of keeping things even. YES. Is it my impression. NO. Now can this spiral out of control? YES very easily. Is there an easy way to fix the problem? NO. Everyone starts second and third guessing everything...... words, gestures, tone. etc.
Your other question had do with spur of the moment things? Well I'm not sure how she feels today but lots of things have changed over the years. I've done spontaneous things all my life. While living/working Germany met this great girl at party on a Tuesday evening and asked if she had plans for the weekend.... she said it was her birthday and she was going out with her roommates. A second later I said I think we should go to Switzerland skiing for her birthday my treat. I just thought it was a really fun idea for 3 day weekend. It was great up to the skiing part....she couldn't ski that good.... nightmare. I hope she remembers it as exciting and fun. When dating my wife I did similar things..... call her at 10am saying I felt like going to New Orleans today go home and get your stuff and I'll pick you up such and such time and off to the airport. Rarely did she say she couldn't.
When we first started dating I had gone to race car driving school and was on weekends in the summer driving formula fords with Skip Barber. I had a Bmw m5 back then a great performance car. She loved riding and going fast in that car. Today we have another performance car but she cant stand the way I drive it. Its more or less her primary car unless the weather is bad the she takes something else. But I no longer drive it with her in the car, its to stressful for her and I don't like the arguments that generally result. Now I did ask, because I remember her enjoyment, or at least I thought I did. Answer, I changed, don't like it now.
Interesting event 2+ weeks ago. We had a family ski trip planned at the day before she started saying she didn't think she was going to go. I knew what was going on but really couldn't and didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I more or less just shook my head and walked out. Not exactly sure what she told the kids but offer for them to bring their friends, no problem. We all would stay at our vacation home so no big deal.
Late Sat afternoon I have very nice crash....I have to go to an ER . I feel banged up but they insist on the ER. I give older kids all my cash and instruction and I have a phone and they phones. Daughter calls panicked can't get a hold of mom!!!!! "I've call 10 times and left messages over the past hr , etc.etc. I told her not to panic nothing mom could do from there anyway. Stop calling her and go have fun. A 20 minutes later wife calls...".heard you wiped out are you ok....to which I told her my prelim status. At That point it was unclear if I was going to be held over night...We live about 2hrs away so I thought the smart play would be for her to come up to take care of the kids. That's when I found out she was in Vegas....I think I just hung up on her. So I guess the answer is yes she can be spontaneous with the right person.
I had/have 2 broken ribs, sprained left knee and bruised kidney. Bad day.
The fallout of this like event are going to be felt for a very long time, and I'm not talking about my ribs or knee there already getting better.