Originally Posted by Lemondrop
Because I'm in a quad and because I love them all. I want to have a relationship with all of them. But my background, my beliefs, my moral compass have all always pointed to monogamous. It's hard for me to understand the feelings I'm having now. Part of me says, "This feels right"; part of me says, "How can I even consider this? I'm going to lose everything". I want to be in this quad with these people, but I'm struggling to understand how everything works, and hoping to get good advice from people who have already been where I am now.
Pretty much every advise I have heard on poly issues has always started with some idea on communication. And there is a lot of self-reflection going on as well. Figure out what you want and tell them. If you are open and honest with your feelings and desires, others will know what you want instead of guessing.
You can give as little or as much information as you are comfortable with. It is all about what kind of feedback you want. The more details you give, the more specific the feedback can be.
It is hard to unlearn values you were brought up with. But I think that we should question our cultural beliefs from time to time. I grew up in southern USA and there was a lot of racism and homophobia. I had to make myself feel comfortable questioning cultural beliefs.