First off, a belated thank you to LR for sharing her parenting story, really cool.
And now, a quick update on my life!
Nothing major has changed, just a few of those small-but-significant shifts that seem to happen a lot in complex relationships. One huge thing for me was realizing that I was trying too hard. I've been super focused on the outcome of every interaction between Gia and me, or Eric and me, or all three of us together. I was turning way too many conversations with Gia into processing-fests. I was doing stuff that seemed sweet to me, like getting her presents, but that was coming off more smother-y than caretaker-y.
When I saw that this was happening, I made an effort to relax -- as a start, I promised myself that the next time I saw Gia I would absolutely not bring up any aspect of our relationship for discussion... instead I would just let the relationship happen for once. I also made a point of letting her have her personal space, which she's really needed since her pregnancy started.
The difference was immediate. I felt better and I things were more natural between us. I don't know whether this was a coincidence or not, but things even seemed smoother and warmer with me and Eric. He can be a hard guy for any of his friends to get close to, but since making this internal shift I think I've noticed him being a little more open with me, more willing to include me in his world.
I also got to feel the baby move the other day.
I don't think I'll ever forget feeling the fluttering under my hand, pressed against the warm skin at the bottom of her belly.
By the way, if you haven't seen this Daily Show clip from 1/14/10 about "gay divorce", watch it now -- the bit from 3:10 on is about a poly marriage and it's fucking golden: