Mellsey, I wanted to let you know we told my oldest child today. He's 14, almost 15, and had been making quite a lot of noise that he didn't approve of what I was "up to". My quad is still hashing out some issues, and the other day he caught me with my arm around husband #2 (just a hug!) and tried to pull him away from me. Today, I was talking privately with my DH when husband #2 arrived unexpectedly. DS answered the door, then locked the screen door, double-locked the front door, and came and turned the lock on my bedroom door. Sooooo...after wife #2 showed up and we had a talk, she volunteered to see if she could work some things out with DS. My previous attempts to discuss with DS what was wrong had been met with stony silence. (This is another thing I love. Stupid as it sounds, the whole "it takes a village to raise a child" thing really works well sometimes.)
So she discovered that DS is afraid that my DH and I don't love each other any more. He's afraid that polyamory will break up our marriage like it did for friends of ours. I guess he also feels bad because all of us uncool over-30 people have so much love going around, and he fairly recently broke up with his girlfriend. (kids
She reassured him that his parents do indeed love him, and that, even better, both sets of parents love him. That she and her husband have no intention of breaking up any marriage, and that we love each other. She pointed out that we, like a lot of couples, have had communication problems but are working on them. She also pointed out that our polyamorous friends didn't break up because of polyamory, they broke up because he wasn't willing to work on the relationship and she got tired of it--and that this is something that happens even in monogamous relationships. She also pointed out that DS has a good relationship with husband #2, and that husband #2 was quite hurt by DS's attitude. (DS grudgingly admitted that he likes husband #2.)
She seemed to feel pretty positively about how this went. The younger kids (ages 4 to 10) all seem okay with the affection we've shown toward each other so far, but of course we haven't done anything blatant. I don't know if any of this helps you, but I thought I'd let you know.