I would suggest that he start actively looking on his own for someone that suits his needs. You seem to be doing all the work here. lol. I don't know that for sure, but when I picture him sitting at home while you go out looking for a replacement for the gf you lost this is what I imagine... he could go do his own thing no?
The thing is that no two relationships are going to be the same. Putting ideas of what you want into a box might make you miserable and sad. Why not get involved with a local poly group, make your own group up... get out of the swinging community if it isn't working for you entirely and get into, make your own community. That way you meet like minded people and can develop friendships that are with people that might blossom into something more...
The community that we have here started this way... I was part of that and it has been highly successful. I have a lot of like minded friends and they all have found people that work in their lives... not just as lovers but as friends.. love is love no matter what way you slice it.. it can develop into sex or not. The fun and excitement is seeing where it goes and being open to anything. This has been a sure fire way to my feeling like I belong somewhere.
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