Originally Posted by angeleyes
I'm sorry to sound all Deepak Chopra, but if you just get your idea of how things "should" work out of the way, you may find that what needs to happen will come much easier.
As an example, if the opportunity to present itself comes up in conversation (it finds you, not the other way around), you could try just saying something to your significant other such as, "sweetheart, you know I would never be unfaithful to you, but you know _____ that we work with, and I really think she's awesome. I wanted to say something because I hope that's ok, and I wouldn't want the two of us to be too friendly and then you either had to wonder or else have your feelings hurt."
thought provoking post. Been mulling over it for a few days. You've taken bold steps to take 'control' of your life (Ok, bad choice of words but I couldn't help myself!!
) and that's admirable. I agree with you on the overall point: I am, as you once were, very much entrenched in this society's norms. It's hard not to be, isn't it? And I'm surrounded by others who are either happy with this lifestyle or pretending. The same fear that keeps me from being honest is working its collective power on everyone else too. I remember a sociology teacher using the term sanctioning. Society will tend to its proverbial garden with a trim here, a prune there, and everything just looks so nice and proper, doesn't it? Oh and never mind the weeds, we'll take care of them soooon enough : ) Must be why so many people are forced to keep such secrets I guess. So we seek to control our environment all the more when we feel out of control, as I increasingly do on various fronts in my life. This is just one. Am I doing the right thing? If I could wholeheartedly take your advice, that question would be irrelevant. It wouldn't be about right or wrong. It just is
and I either do something about it or not. I have to believe that opening up to her will ultimately strengthen us. Ultimately I am persisting in this for my own well being.
I should clarify that I'm not going to say "hey guess what, I want to be with this other person and you at the same time." But I'm sure you knew I wouldn't be that direct. I'd be more inclined to lead into it the way you described though I have reservations about revealing any affections for someone else yet. At any rate, she deserves to know what has been burning inside me, regardless of whether she will like it. Of course it's all easier said than done but the seed is germinating.
And I get that a lot of people will conclude that I'm moving pretty fast with all this, which is probably true.