He will definitely tell her, that's for sure. I once thought myself it's better not to tell your partner that you cheated on him and deal with it on your own. But now I think it's manipulative, selfish and patronizing. You actually lie to your partner, he keeps thinking you never cheated on him. You keep the truth from him. If you told him, he might leave you, and therefore living with the burden of having cheated and lying to your partner, might seem easier than facing the fear of losing him. Trying to protect your partner from the hurt, might seem very kind, but it's patronizing to act as if he wasn't able to deal with it. Again, you're taking over responsibility for how he feels, plus you don't take over responsibility for your behavior.
Concerning that I deserve better: The first thought I had when he told me that he is her boyfriend now, was that I will leave him. I felt hurt, I was upset, I had all kinds of negative feelings. But like I said before, my relationship with him the way it is now doesn't keep me from pursuing any of my goals. I can build up close relationships with others, I can have sex with others, I can in fact do whatever I want. So while in the beginning I thought that she gets everything, he only has to give up a little, and I'm the one to suffer, I now think that my position is the best in this triangle. She will continue to be scared of that he will cheat on her, he will have to work hard to resist having sex with other women, while I... I'm just fine now, you know. I'm not even scared of losing him. I don't want to lose him, but it won't break me.
Last edited by Purpurea; 02-13-2011 at 08:45 AM.