I would think that some of this is due to you both being very new to the possibility of experiencing love outside of your marriage. It can be quite an eye opener what is brought up seemingly out of no where and slapped up side the head of a couple that is experiencing what you are for the first time. Take a deep breath and realize that you are not alone and that this is not the first time someone has come on here asking "what the...? Where did this come from?!"
I would suggest that you have a look at jealousy on here. There is a really good thread on it kicking around on the General forum, if you have a look, or you can do a tag search and find threads, or you can look at the stickies.
I suggest it might be jealousy because your wife is up set that your new sexual partner can orgasm the first time and she couldn't... that suggests that she is being triggered to remember what that was like for her, her own struggle with orgasm and perhaps indicates something going on in her own relationships other than your with her.
Have you talked with her about how the sex is going with her boyfriend? What kind of boundaries she has around the sex you have? What boundaries you have around sex with new people? She could say that she doesn't ever want you or the new woman to orgasm and you could agree to that, but does that fit with your boundaries?
You sound surprised by this new dynamic that has come up. Have you and her had a good sex life until now? Has she orgasmed quite normally since you and her met? All stuff to ask yourself and discuss with her. It sounds like you have some work to do... such is this type of relationship. I find that I have to be open to stuff coming up that is unforeseen. Even stuff that I know will come up I have to realize will always hover regardless. Monogamy is much easier sometimes isn't it