Thanks Ariakas and NYcyndie.
> It would seem like a great way for the fulcrum in the Vee to give fully to each relationship without being distracted by scheduling conflicts and anxieties over making sure everyone's getting enough attention that I see so many people here dealing with. And those in the position of the arms of the Vee know exactly what to expect. <
You have it spot on Cyndie, it is a very calming thing to know a certain time is "ours" . There are other benefits too . Although we have not had a disagreement now since Christmas, in the beginning when one of us mono "arms" had an issue, we always had plenty of time together to work things out so it was not left in anger. The flip side of that, also beneficial, is that during the three days when I was away from her I could learn to think things through clearly and without anger. I became stronger in myself far more quickly I think. Yet another simple benefit is that after a few days apart, we cannot wait to see each other again (although she does have a "transition period" when she goes from one of us to the other when she is a bit quiet, D and I have both noted this and allow her some time to adjust)
One really great thing about my wife is that she never uses one lover against another. For instance even at the beginning when she had some humdinger rows with both of us she never would throw her arms up and run to the other lover, she would stick it out. She would sometimes spend 4 days of crap with me getting me back to a good place then go to D and have 3 crap days with him smoothing over his worries. It took some time, but gradually we worked through and removed every obstacle until there were none left. She is a diamond and we both feel lucky. She is basically an honest person and when she is out with both of us you can see how happy she is it is almost as if she is going to burst with love having her two men there. The quality of our marriage is better than before.
> I also think it's great that there is flexibility built into your arrangement, that texting and calling either one is something unrestricted for her, no matter whom she is with. This sounds sane, healthy, and based on trust.<
D and I also call each other. There is a lot of respect between us.
>There's a lot of good to be said for STRUCTURE, and freedom is definitely something that can be nurtured within a clearly defined structure, though we often think it would be the opposite.<
Yes. inside our structure there are actually no rules. When I was insecure at the beginning we had a no contact rule (ie when she was with me there was no contact between them and vice versa when she was with him) but we were able to get rid of that after the first month.
>Heck, I think it would even work for me if I were not married. There is a guy I went out on a date with whom I would really only be able to see on the two same days each week (because of his work schedule). If we continue and develop this relationship (I'm not yet sure if I'm interested), he would be my "Monday-Tuesday boyfriend," which I would think would make it easier to make plans with others in my life. Knowing the parameters within which a relationship with him would have to operate, gave me a sense of relief, in a way.<
I like the word parameters. I think I will use that in future.
"The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times but to get up eight times"
Last edited by vodkafan; 02-13-2011 at 01:26 AM.