thanks for the explanation. you do know I was teasing right? *poke* *tease*
@Abhainn-I find your posts sad. I can see how your apprehension is causing you to keep yourself at bay to the point where there is no room for sexual energy. I think I would be similar. I don't do well in the type of poly that you describe.
It is reassuring that you are taking little steps, but I would wonder what is going on in his head. What is the purpose of being with you? He seems to be a busy man, with other lovers that are closer to him... what is your purpose? I know that sounds rather mechanical or something... but I am hoping that you can see this outside of emotion.
I have many loves too and I don't have a lot of time for some of them. They each play a role in my life that makes me feel fulfilled and whole. I love them all for who they are and the wholeness they bring to my life. Perhaps he feels the same way?
There is nothing wrong with that. If he enjoys you for a certain reason then I think I would ask him what those reasons are. If they continue to work for you then great. If not then perhaps this situation isn't right for you. My loves each know (at least I try to keep them updated) what it is that I get from being with them and I try to keep on top of what I give them in their lives... we talk about it, rearrange when necessary and keep at it. If there is a time when it doesn't work and we aren't being fulfilled then I will understand if they need to move on, or I do... I have had several loves in my life that that has happened with. My ex wife is a big example. Relationships play out, until their is nothing left to play out I reckon.
I think if I were in your situation I would check in to what the purpose of being with this man is... I think I would decide if he is available enough or not, find out if he is available more (in terms of in his heart mostly, time secondly) if I decide he might be worth investing in. If he isn't or I find that he isn't worth investing in... I would move on, or add another that is worthy of my time and love.