View Single Post
Old 02-11-2011, 10:12 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

To me its a matter of integrity and what I would expect from others. If someone has told me that they are going to be faithful to me I expect that. If they then aren't then I don't trust them and eventually its possibly over if that is not rebuilt. If someone I am with is not acting with integrity and respect to someone else I wouldn't trust them either. I would assume they would not be faithful to me either.

Sure, taking care of yourself is important, but sometimes that means taking care of others first. Being compassionate, respectful, considerate; these are important qualities to have, especially in terms of poly. To me this is how love multiplies and restores faith and brings people together. I suppose it depends on what the aim is. Mine is purely about increasing positive interactions with others; therefore I will do everything I am consciously capable of doing before acting. I try not to act out of fear of repercussion or someone saying no to what I suggest, what I want/need. I try to communicte what is going on for me and find out what is going on for others before acting.

This forum is filled with the type of behaviour of which I speak. I am interested to know how it works to go about doing whatever you want without thought or regard for anothers feelings in an active way. Perhaps I have something to look at.

I wonder how long my loves would stay with me if I decided I would act on my own behalf only. Its important to have long term close loves in my life. I wonder how they would adjust? I wonder how I would adjust to them acting this way? Not well I'm sure. I would lose it. All my fears of abandonment would come up, my feelings of worth, my feelings of belonging, being worthy of respect. I akin my commitments to those I love as a child does to its parents. I trust that they would have my best interest in mind when I commit to being with them. If they cheated, something fragile, vulnerable and precious would be lost. My heart would break.

Hm, lots to think about. Thanks for this oppprtunity.

Oh, one more question, have you met this woman? Sorry, you might of said already. Is she someone you have come across face to face and seen how the two of them interact? Have you and her had a chance to create some kind of metamour relationship. Well friendship really as he is your friend, not lover. Or is this coming when she comes to visit.

Have you read any other threads on here? There are a lot of good ones on here about peoples experiences with cheating; from all sides. If you do a tag search for "cheating" you will find them. "Foundations" and " lessons" warrant a good tag search also if you are interested in learning about poly. Mohegan has a good blog in the lifestyles section that might be interesting. All good info and points of view. Thanks for adding yours.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote