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Old 02-11-2011, 10:12 PM
zephyr zephyr is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 9

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
But who allowed it to revert back? Did you really go for what you wanted or acquiesce to what they wanted? It sounds like you tend to give in to their dynamic without asserting yourself into the whole.

How old are all of you? I may have missed that info.
Husband and I are early 40s, she's mid-30s. As for "go for what you wanted" -- I wanted them to play more with me, one-on-one and together, I wanted more lead-up time before they try to get me off... I'm still not sure how to "demand" someone else's actions be what I want them to be...

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
However, taking a more positive, assertive, standing-up-for-yourself, attitude, rather than feeling like the problem in the triad, could make you more desirable to both of them. It does sound like the girlfriend is more of a take-charge person, full of gusto, than you are -- whereas, perhaps, you hope and wait for what you want.
would that be close to accurate?
I'm "the peacemaker", except when I blow up. *Then* I'm "the bitch". At least that's how I see myself perceived.

And honestly, being really new to a triad (and our first poly relationship), I'm not real sure *how* to take-charge. I'm a little submissive for that. "YOU: massage me now." :-/ I'm being a little tongue-in-cheek here, but that's sorta how I think. I'm asking them to adjust their ways for my needs. When I asked and it didn't happen... that's why I'm posting today.

What do I do now? My answer so far is "write them a letter". It's almost done. I just am really afraid of her response because she can get so defensive so fast. And I don't really know where he's going to come down on this topic. In all honesty? I feel like I've lost the trust I gave them: that they would "have my back" like I have theirs.

I guess I need to tell them that....

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