How about trying some reframing? In other words, look at some of the issues from a different perspective, give it new context.
I would start by no longer telling yourself you "don't orgasm easily." It may simply be that you haven't yet found the best technique yet that makes you cum. Once you find it, it will hella happen real easily! And btw, many women do not cum from penetration, that's no biggie. I'm not sure if I ever have. But seriously, doesn't looking at it like, "Hmm, I just haven't found it yet" seem more fun and exciting than, "I don't orgasm easily?" One perks up my ears, the other makes me pout.
And instead of looking at all this as a problem, and an issue, and a concern -- ugh, heavy! -- make it a game. Call it, "How Many Ways Can Zephyr Cum?" Keep it fun and light. Try different positions, techniques, repetitive movements, pressures, etc. Start looking at different options that you haven't tried yet. Think of it like a treasure hunt.
What about tribbing with her? What about doing something all three at once instead of two doing it while one watches? How about leaning back on your husband and letting him hold you and play with your tits while you stroke him and she goes to town on you? What about all of you bringing your toys to bed? Get some fun stuff like sleep masks/blindfolds, lotions, fancy lingerie, etc. Maybe watch some good porn together beforehand. Look into buying some toys that are designed to reach the G-spot. Have fun with this, don't give in to envy. These are just for a start. Explore!
Recently, I had about three instances where I didn't think I could relax enough to cum. This was while a lover was going down on me, which is generallly the bona-fide 100% way to bring me to orgasm. But I was really in my head at those moments, more than in my body. As I understand it, women tend to think a lot during sex, and thoughts can be distracting. One of those three times, I just couldn't relax and took a break. I had to accept reality -- there was construction going on in my building and just as I was getting close to the edge, all this hammering started outside my window -- I couldn't ignore it, haha! But the other two times was just my own mental processes getting in the way. What helped was I somehow surrendered to the physical, and literally felt my mind give up fighting against it (not that I didn't want to cum, I just thought I wouldn't). I just focused on the sensations and they carried me away. I don't even think I was aware of who I was with when I did cum, haha!
Both those times were the most intense, mind-blowing orgasms I've ever had. The most recent one lasted longer than I thought it was possible for an orgasm to last. So, to me, these experiences illustrate the point that it has lots to do with tension and the mental pressures we put on ourselves.
That's why I say stop berating yourself and seeing this is a problem, and instead make it a game or a fun challenge. Relax with it. If there's relationship stuff getting in the way, that's one thing that will reveal itself if it needs tending to, but the sex and physical aspect of the dynamic can be looked at and explored in a more lighthearted manner. As they say at Toys in Babeland, "Laugh and don't be afraid to make a mess!"
Last edited by nycindie; 02-11-2011 at 09:49 PM.