another thing to try?
I've had times when reaching orgasm was nearly impossible. And while mine is "Chester" not B.O.B. (just a fun name....and it's plugged into the wall for REAL power) I did find a solution that worked most of the time.
While my partner enjoys watching and listening to me play with a toy....there were times that just wasn't where my head was. Instead, I would ask for some alone time...PRIOR TO our alone time. A gentle..."sweetie, why don't you take a hot shower for 20 minutes...." or something similar, gave me the opportunity and privacy to warm up the engine - so to speak.
I found that when he then joined me....it was much easier for me to respond to our combined efforts. Basically, I was already there.
Not sure if this will help.....in some fashion. Time alone first.....time with just one partner first....time for some sensual massage with 1 or both BEFORE moving on to other activities.
For me....it was about acknowledging it was OK to feel what I feel, and OK to change things up to make it work for me. That acceptance brought peace, which led to better intimacy.