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Old 02-11-2011, 07:51 PM
zephyr zephyr is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 9

Originally Posted by Carma View Post
I think you put your feelings into words EXTREMELY well, and this is no easy subject!!! I have great difficulty reaching orgasms too. I don't want to be anyone's little project. Also, I shut down if I feel the pressure is on, to hurry up, come on and orgasm (thoughts in MY HEAD ONLY, but still very present and enough to shut me down). I am very sensitive to the efforts of my partner. I don't want to overextend him. Sometimes stubborn works, but once I suspect he is not enjoying it, (EVEN if he IS enjoying it but I have a slight doubt), I'm done! I simply cannot see my orgasm as a gift to someone else, as a reward for their efforts. TOO MUCH PRESSURE.
Oh, this. Exactly and totally this!!!! It's comforting to know I'm not the only one feeling all of this.

Originally Posted by Carma View Post
Lately I have been trying to enjoy the other lovely things about sex, and not letting the orgasm be my main focus. I have a BOB* that I can use at my own leisure to take care of the physical release. Didn't someone say that my orgasms are my own responsiblity? I think I read that somewhere, and it was freeing, for me. I love people too much to put that expectation on them. Especially when an orgasm only lasts... how long? I mean, we're talking seconds!
Hmmm.... It could be challenging to get some time to myself, BOB or no BOB. However, I think just the willingness to get all sexy with me would be nice. Touch is so important -- there's general touch and there's sexy touch. And right now, I feel both are not happening nearly enough.

Originally Posted by Carma View Post
However, I do feel that when there is a third party involved, it is hard not to be very aware and sensitive of what is going on with the other two. Comparisons can really get you into some trouble.
Comparisons are a tough thing to avoid. I've been trying for a little while now and it's not getting any easier to avoid them.

Originally Posted by Carma View Post
Personally I think it would benefit you immensely to have some one-on-one time with each of your lovers. It sounds like you might be able to relax a little bit easier.
I find I do relax more when it's just one-on-one. However, right now, I think there's 2 things going on:

With her, I feel just a general lack of interest to be with me, which she denies when I say something about it. Perhaps it's just dumb luck and timing, but she's never really available/interested when it's just the two of us any more. So, it feels like, "I guess he is getting her motor revving and I'm just along for the ride." I feel I give my all and more to her pleasure, trusting she will do the same for me. It's getting a little harder to extend that trust...

The other thing is him. He doesn't approach me. I kinda expected there to be a time period where she was the new playmate in the relationship and we'd both go to her and want to play. I think I'm disheartened that he's no longer approaching me. And because of that, I find it hard to approach him. At first, it was a bit of a turn-on that he was always telling me how much he loved her mouth and such. But now it's starting to grate on me. I want to bark, "yeah, I get it. She's got a great mouth. Move on!" (Totally not conducive to a calm, loving encounter!) The other night there was a situation (not sure if I should share all the details here...) in which he was able to penetrate her, but not me. I can't seem to help think about things like that and think, "See? They don't really desire you. You're just handy sometimes."

Unfortunately, I'm the kind of person where my mood shows on my face. I've already been approached once today by him, asking if I'm okay. I've finally gotten them to allow me to say, "I'm not ready to talk about it." and give me some space. But, that also requires that, if I want to discuss this, I will have to approach him. I suppose he's talked to her and she's equally giving me space today even though I haven't asked her to (but would want it anyway). So, they both know I'm upset. I'm guessing they are both linking it to this morning's blow job, when really it's just another straw on the camel's back. I just don't know how to have that conversation with them....

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