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Old 02-11-2011, 07:50 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Well pressuring someone who has a hard time orgasming sure isn't going to help. That never works.

I'd be fine with them having play-time alone, without me, as long as there was a general reciprocity: she and me or he and me. But she insists on me being there.
Thats a bit of a red flag. So she controls this? If he doesn't mind, and you don't mind. Then she should suck it up and learn to deal. It may be a triad but there are 4 intertwining relationships in this. She can't be involved in all of them. Sounds like she has self esteem problems and is scared to be left alone.

Recently, we've talked about how she "got her stubborn on" and refused to give up until I did have an orgasm -- that was working for a while. Then, just the other night, she said, "Do you want me to be stubborn, or do you want to watch a movie?" (Or words to that effect.) In the clear light of day, I can see that I should have said what I was feeling, "Be stubborn, dammit!" But when she made it a choice, I felt she was saying, "I don't want to work that hard tonight," and I backed away and we watched a movie.
She sounds like an ignorant guy (yes I am being sexist haha) about female orgasms. I don't have any advice. How old is she? This sounds like something someone young would still believe. Maybe her ego is broken because she can't make you orgasm, which is why she is trying so hard. More stroking of her own ego, when it doesn't happen, she feels her skills are deflated.

This one is about you. You have to realize you are putting pressure on yourself (or are they?) people have different sex drives, at different times, and in different places. It happens. The fun of involving multiple people is how diverse everyone is.

curious is there some NRE happening between them that may be wearing out on you and her?

So, I'm left feeling:
I can't really talk, for fear of starting a fight (which, so far, I feel I always lose)
Do they gang up on you? Is that why you always lose, or do you give in because it isn't worth it. Have you tried writing a letter and being REALLY clear about what you want vs what they feel YOU want?

Left out because I'm slow
.. gotta stop blaming yourself for your own bodies reactions to sex. Not good

I am a multi orgasmic male. If I was dating and my gf had a bf who wasn't able to cum multiple times. Is it my fault for being able to, or his fault for not being able to? Its neither...its just the way it is.

That she really doesn't desire me -- or desire to please me
Ding ding, maybe? Not all triads are created equal. Most look more like isosceles (usually a scalene to be honest) triangles. Its one of the biggest reasons closed triads are hard. Someone usually feels like the odd side.

That he's getting all he needs from her, so why come to me at all
Comparitives like this are dangerous. He loves ya, has a long life with you and family. He lusts for her. It happens. Don't ride this thought to hard

I'd really just like to leave the room, but I'm afraid of that starting a fight -- despite the fact that she expects us to let her leave the room if we're playing and she has a wiggins moment.
You have a right to do whatever you want. Always. If you were dating someone who weirded you out, would you go into the bedroom with them?... its your body, your choice...

Last question, how clear (and this relates to the above thought on writing a letter) how clear have you been about your sexual needs. Maybe it needs to be as clear as day. It might take out some of the exploratory fun, but if you are being left in the might need to make a serious stand.

Last edited by redpepper; 02-13-2011 at 04:26 AM.
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