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Old 02-11-2011, 06:51 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Ohio
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Long distance relationships -- UGH!!! Could never work for me unless it was definitely a temporary situation and there was a definite end to the separation. I know myself too well.

I've thought many times in my life about my responsibility to another woman, when the man they believe is committed to them, is interested in me.

There is so much in our culture that says people are possessions. I know I have had jealous feelings in my life -- but I have always recognized jealousy as an immature emotion, which can be reasoned away by the dedication to loving freely and wholeheartedly. I am not tooting my own horn -- it's just been something automatic. Not EASY, but something that I have always felt called to. Now I know there is a name for it: COMPERSION. I will strive for it for the rest of my life. And I want to surround myself with people who are committed to it, as well. I admire everyone on this forum who struggles in any way to reach this common goal. I believe we are all to be given great credit for our attempts. And even our failures! This is the greatest growth I have ever seen in myself and others. I am so proud to know all of you.

Anyway, it's confusing -- how responsible are we, for whom and to whom? How much "loyalty" is there, to the sisterhood/brotherhood? To the institution of marriage? To the commitments people have made to other people? And how do we balance that with the love we feel in our hearts for someone, especially when that love is returned, even though it may interfere with or outright destroy another relationship???

I remember one time in high school, a friend's boyfriend drove me home from a party. I had always thought he was cute, but we had never really talked, I didn't know him at all really. Well, he kissed me in my driveway. It was fun! We were young and curious, I was flattered that he thought I was pretty and was attracted enough to want to kiss me. But then it was, "goodnight, thanks for the ride," and nothing else but a little ego boost for both of us, I guess. Neither of us wanted anything more.
Days later of course the word got out -- he probably bragged to one of his friends in the locker room. I was called a slut by my friend and her circle of friends, and she never spoke to me again.

Granted, the stakes are much higher when you are an adult, married, parenting, sharing each other's homes, finances, etc. But the lessons get taught EARLY.

I still have a hard time watching a monogamous relationship SUCK and the one who "cheats" looking like the asshole, when really maybe it was the relationship that was cheating THEM.

Note I said the relationship, not the PERSON. Sometimes there are certain things that cannot be met in one relationship that can be met in another. And, I realize I would be BLASTED by the mainstream for a lot of what I'm saying! Really it's all just my musings...

Last edited by Carma; 02-11-2011 at 06:54 PM.
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