Originally Posted by VelvetFedora
I also wanted to add:
My relationship with my fiancee is very good. I might not have been clear on that in the initial post but I had a lot to say as it was.
Also, the first male in question isn't really an asshole. He is simply a very sensitive person and I think he could never be involved in a polyamorous relationship, putting aside the fact that he and I shouldn't embark on one (for reasons I won't get into, but we can't). I guess I am just looking for others' thoughts on how to move past sexual feelings, or potential ones, in friendships where the potential for "more" is known or possible.
I kinda know what you're talking about. I tend to oversexualize men. I have an idea it's because I come from a small family, no brothers, no cousins. No males to just bum around with as friends, where sexual contact is inappropriate.
So I was shy around boys in school til I found my sexual power, and then each guy became more like a sex object than a full human being.
This was obviously not fair to the men.
I've had a long road in this, but had good practice about 10 years ago when I got a gigantic crush on the guy across the street, who was only 27, single, looking for a mate. He also became a good friend and musical partner of my husband's. So, I yearned after him but doing anything about it wouldve been out of the question. (My h and I werent poly then. Well, I was in spirit but we werent practicing it.)
I'd just enjoy being close to this guy, talking, playing percussion when he played guitar at our house... I had a groupie crush on him. He sang like an angel. I'm helpless against good musicians. lol
Over the years as he met a woman, got married, had kids, my affection for him became more brother/sister. I stopped idealizing him and that released some of the sexual feeling.
So, even if you are poly, all men dont have to become potential sex partners. You can let that feeling come to the surface, enjoy the feeling, but then let it slide and focus on other aspects of the other person's totality.