Hi Red Pepper, thanks for reply, the lack of connection indeed resonates.
Unless I ask, he doesn't tell me much/anything about his partners, it's almost like they don't exist. On the other hand, I don't know what to ask, and how to ask (learning, though), I feel I'm intruding in his 'private life'.
Sometimes I'm scared of asking, there were many times in the beginning when the answer hurt.
It's such a slow growing into poly, isn't it, and the difficulties change. Early on, I used to scan his flat for signs of other people. The toothbrushes, what a shock
I don't do that anymore, my place is more established and secure.
Every time when my level of emotional connection has changed, it has been hard. When love deepens, security lags behind for a moment. That is scary and sad.
As an answer to your question, yes, I think I'd go deeper. Carefully. We are both being very careful in this way, I notice.
And yes, I often feel I can't reach him, and then don't know what to do, how to find the connection.
Good pointers, thank you.